The wide and simple innocence and sensation

YU YaShan

●       My heart is still in Xidatan

Now is 2007,8,15, eight o’clock at night, I held the steering wheel driving on central eastern main road. The mountaineering backpack in the car trunk behind also has the soil smell of Xidatan.

I am familiar with the cars and the familiar road, but not with myself. I cannot control my trembling hands and tears of missing fell down. in the sound of the rumblings of the car, I can still feel the bumpy mountain road in Xidatan calling me. Time has passed for half an hour, I still not willing to turn on the radio for fear that the all the glories will flood the precious memory and pictures in my mind. The green color of highland barley, green oats, and green potatoes, the sky at morning, at noon and at evening, uncle and aunt with serious living attitude and enthusiastic, flocks of sheep and cattle and unidentified mule, horse and donkey, wine and Ha da and elegant Tibetan streamers, the starry sky and only three times’ thrashing time, the field mushroom and wild strawberry everywhere in the snow mountain, the tear stained children in farewell party… there were endless number of magnificent treasures that really unable to complete express with the rough language.

Backing from the mountains, my facial perceptions are just like which were locked before by a magic box now open. I stand on the novel cement road, what I can see are all the convenient heavy traffic in city, what my hand can touch are all covered by plastic products. Are these real? I miss the simplicity and beauty in the mountain. In the mountain I can smell the fragrant breath brought by the green mountain, I can hear the gentle breeze and gurgling stream, I can pet the green grass and tough flowers with my hand, I can see the quiet life like an imaginary, ideal world.

I think about the feeling of losing the nature, whether is more convenient or more lose.

The reality and impulse in my heart make me want to return the warm hug of the nature. I just like a lonely traveler in city, I always can’t find my position and direction, under the careful attention of the mountain about my injured eyes, I recovered my ability of observe and feel little by little. In the inconceivable journey all of which just like a fairy tale, I experienced the magic divine forces and the shock left still makes me ripple inside until now. For me, the life in the mountain is really existed and people seem should go back to simple nature and live in correspond to the heaven.

“Teacher frog, you wear this so beautiful!” “No, it is your manual skills that really work.” “No, no, no! Teacher, you are really beautiful!” their shy smile and natural enthusiastic recalled my pure and courage which I had lost for a long time. Seeing the garland they made, its beauty really moved me. It is Qingji, who climbed on the side of the mountain, stood steady, and find suited flower materials with his confidence and cleverness eyes. It is careful and feat Shengli, she picked the color of flowers I like quietly, and visual measured my head circumference in quite a fast speed and made a beautiful unique flower crown for me. “Teacher frog, we have no other things better for you here, we can only weave the garland for you and hope you can like it.” The silly children, the thick sincere present you gave me cannot be measured with the worldlings in the world. I hugged the two children and cannot put down the sensation in my heart for a long time.

●        Never think of living in such a simple way

        August 2, after getting to hung Kong starting from Tao Yuan airport, we transferred to bus and train, lasting for 34 hours through South China, Central China, and North China to the western direction, finally got to Gan su. We transferred to shuttles smaller and smaller al the way, carried our full dreams and Tibetan singings, with the driver’s rhythmic trumpeter and the fast pace, we advanced towards to mountain liking jumping. We laughed and played along the road, the rugged mountain road stimulated us as if we were bungee jumping, and all things to me were fancy. I opened my eyes of desire like a child, I took pictures to record the beautiful scenery and wanted to bring back all the nouns once appeared in the textbooks: Wushaoling, yak, Wuwei, tsamba, loess, Tibetans…the stronger my desire is, the quicker and bumper the car which travel over mountains and rivers drove. The convenient of science and technology still can’t compare to the power of nature, I can only put down my camera and let the wind, the rain, the loess, the deep flying Tibetan songs, the running yaks lead us into the arrangement of the nature.

In Xidatan middle school, water and electric was luxury things. The toilet used, washing hair and clothes all used the murmur stream water. We should thrash water in fixed time and we can only wait for the next time when time passed. The breakfast is steamed bread with rice gruel, the lunch and supper always put green peppers, mutton, or eggplant beans and so on salty and spicy food inside the cooked wheaten food. A saying is “the eastern like sour food while the western like spicy ones, the southern like sweet food while the northern like salty ones.”, I really felt it here. The food made by the uncle even simple but had unexpressed good taste. After coming back to Taiwan, I deeply missed the food even had a lovesickness. For unable to find food as delicious as uncle’s food, I can only sighed towards the bowl for several meals.

The streets besides the school always have no cement road; local residents always use their enthusiastic eyes to look at us. We called them uncle and auntie and they always responded us with their smile and waving hands. I once worried about that our coming will bring incontinent to the village; In fact, I think more. For our coming, young children still running and playing happily on the street; the aunts still busied in doing their farm works in the field; the driving brothers always used their trumpet to inform us to make way for them. The sound is ear piercing but not hating, the trumpet added some breezy happiness to the silent mountain. Uncle who were paving the way and building the house still got up early in the morning to pull cement one car after another, excited to hope that he can make contribute to there. Some leisure residents directly played big Chinese chess by the road. Many people sat in front of their home watching the pedestrians and livestock come and go, you can see find a kind of comfort and ease from their eyes. 

The weather here is just like the baby’s face, change quickly. Sometimes the moment is sunny but next moment a torrential rain comes, the sun could always hide behind the black cloud for 5 to 6 times. Sometimes there is no rain for 2 to 3 days, once the wind comes; you can feel the ocher fly upward around your face. When you are expecting the rainwater to water the heat land, suddenly a big rain comes; the land becomes muddy and hard for walking. You may be slipped or stepped into water carelessly, in fact is really a little inconvenient. However, I still like here, there always has some tiny things just around you, waiting for you the open the secret and real veil with your curious eyes.

Here, all steps has slowed and disappeared, all I should do is to breath carefully and use my flexible body to be close with the place that is thousands of miles away from Taiwan.

●        Unforgettable innocence and enthusiastic children

How to compare children in Taiwan with children in Gansu ? I really can’t make up my mind to compare the differences of children in both side, I just think the different environment let them develop their own characteristics. May be children in Xidatan is more innocence while children in Taiwan is more creative, that give us some many different feelings to our Taiwan teachers.

Each child in Xidatan has a brave and optimistic nature, they never doubt about what the teacher told them and respect teachers as to the heaven and land. In the daytime, they helped teachers to carry hot water initiatively. At night, without flashlight they can lead to teacher to toilet faraway correctly. Their expected and careful expression during the class always made you not willing to finish class unknowingly. They are active and enthusiastic to rise up their hands to answer questions with the Beijing tongue. What impressed me a lot was the scene that many children reciting texts in the playground at the cold early morning at 5:30, which really make people admire their insistence. Someday I asked a student: “where is the class monitor?” he answered me: “he went back to home.” Children in Xidatan always have to walk for 3 hours’ mountain road to go home, I just worried about I would not see him before I left. Then I asked: “why he went home?” he said: “he went back to take some food back.” I asked with worry: “will he be back?” he answered me: “certainly, he will be back tomorrow.” Walking for 3 hours’ mountain road just for taking the food of next day, this kind of life I never experienced. I begin to appreciate what I own. The scene that the children climb the mountain was deeply left in my heart inside and never forget it in my lifetime.

I one heard from the co-workers that at noon sleeping time, the singing of the children would spread out from the classroom by accident. Listening to their singing and talking is really a rare enjoyment in life. I once tried to record their voice with recording pen but the play always lost the real sound effects. This makes me know that in the mountain something can be bring away but something do not. Something only need slow taste and feel can have a chance to stay in the memory box in you brain.

    After coming back, I always rethink the group of lovely children. Each time I think of them, I will sing some songs I always sung at that time. The retroflexed, careful, deep, modulated tone always gets into my heart when think of the song “baby”. Children, thank you for giving the lesson to teacher’s life, what you have given is quite more than what I pay.

●        The first most impressed first time gave to Eden

For me who never went out in team, always can only see others pictures and share their life out with team bit by bit. Until this time I myself went to Xidatan with the study tour, I understand why so many people wanted to fax their application data to Eden. In the application process, my mood is mild. For me as a person never forces something, I never think of having the trip as I like. After knowing so many friends from all parts of provinces in the mountains, I began to have a sense of gratitude to God’s will and made my heart become broader as the mountain.

Our leader ha, is a person born in 1980s, but the mature and stable demeanor, outstanding courage, insight, and determination he showed really makes people appreciated of. In the low material desire and props scarce mountains, many experienced co-workers not grudge sharing, rehearsing, and teaching us to perform shows; moreover, he let people feel the youthful vigor enthusiastic in the chilly night. In time that drunk and cold fever events frequently happened, everyone tried their best to take care of people besides and gave psychological support and comfort timely. The sharing and recalling time in “Losay Bar,” our heart is just like chained up by an invisible rope, we sent each other to the past time tightly and counted the fixed feelings of these days.

Still remember that one night, the starry sky just like moved for our coming, they flicker flying in-group in the sky, listening carefully to our star praising song and seeing us holding hands around a circle. Swish! Swish! They are performing the most wonderful meteor color ribbon dance; no one can forget the graceful style to dance with galaxy in the widely highland that day.

For me, ten thousands of sensation still filled in my heart, but what I can express is may be only less than 1/10000000. I will deeply hide and remember this moved forever and also encourage myself to have to courage to pay to others, to consider and observe more to details, to show my own styles in hard, to practical and steady step into the unknown future. These are the growth gifts that God gives to me for the Xidatan journey and I sincerely thanks for this.